Dos and Don’ts of Dating
There are no hard and fast rules to dating, but here are some tips that won't do any harm.
Do let go of the past. It's done. Build yourself a small bridge and get over it. Quit telling your story; it's boring.
Don't jump straight into another relationship. Take some time to adjust; you need to be alone for a while to rediscover who you are.
Do find a balance. Seek love, but don't make it your whole life. Get a hobby. Knit, volunteer. Knit yourself a volunteer.
Do cultivate relationships with other single people; it's depressing being the token singleton in a crowd of couples; like being alone on Noah's Ark.
Don't drink in excess on dates. It's pathetic and leads to arm-gnawing moments of awkwardness later.
Don't come on too strong. It's unnerving, and you're dating, not stalking. Keep the mystery and let things progress naturally.
Don't introduce the person you're seeing to your friends and family too early; it's tempting when you're used to being part of a couple, but is overwhelming.
Do be open; rigid rules about a 'type' may mean you dismiss somebody lovely.
Do maintain your self-respect; go easy with sharing information. There's plenty of time to get to know each other; no early soul-baring. It smacks of desperation.
Don't take it all so seriously. Approach it with a sense of openness and fun. Flirt a bit, enjoy it all, and you'll be infinitely more attractive!
Fall and Winter Date Ideas in Chicago, IL from It’s Just Lunch
Great Fall Date Ideas:
Go to the Zoo- Stroll through Lincoln Park Zoo and watch your favorite animals roam around in their habitats. Best of all, the Lincoln Park Zoo is free, so when you are done strolling through the park head out to lunch at one of the many lunch spots on Clark St.
Go to the Apple Orchard- Apples are so much better from the Apple Orchard; this is a really fun outdoor fall date idea. After picking a dozen apples, warm up side by side with a cup of fresh hot apple cider and warm fresh donuts.
Take a Walk- On a nice fall day, grab a sweater or light jacket and take a walk on Michigan Avenue. Start at the 900 shops and make your way down to Millennium Park. End your stroll at Cosi’s for an inexpensive and delicious treat of hot chocolate and s’mores.
Winter Date Ideas:
Ice Skating: Take your date to Millennium Park to enjoy some ice skating. After your done, take a stroll through the park and who knows you may feel like having an impromptu snow ball fight!
Tailgating At Home: Invite your date and friends over for a fun-filled day of football. Make your famous chili recipe and have everyone bring a dish to pass. After all there’s nothing that spells winter more than football.
Take a Cooking Class: There are great places that offer unique classes all over the city. From roasts and stews to foods from all over the world, you and your date will get hands on in the kitchen.
Movie Nights: Take your movie night to the next level. Create a themed dinner menu to that movie that you two can make together.
Visualizing your ideal partner…
Visualizing your ideal partner and the relationship you want is a great motivator. Athletes have long understood this process of imagery and will visualize a goal before acting on it. You can do the same with your love life. Give it a shot now! You have nothing to lose.
Close your eyes and picture your ideal partner. Engage all your senses. How does this person smell? What does he or she look like? Listen to this person’s voice. How does it sound? Where are you? What are you doing? Are your friends and family around? How does he or she interact with them? Try this a few times until the picture becomes clear, then take out a piece of paper and make a list of the most important characteristics of this partner.
List about 20 qualities that mean something to you. What values and attributes does this person have? Look over your list and separate your “deal breakers” from your “ideals.” “Deal breakers” are the absolute nonnegotiable traits, like finding a partner who wants children or is of the same religion (if those traits are important to you).
“Ideals” are more about the attributes or traits you’d prefer, like “ambitious” or “good sense of humor.” By prioritizing which qualities are important and which are ideal, you’ll discover what you’re absolutely unwilling to accept and where you’ve got some flexibility.
It’s Just Lunch Offers a Snapshot: Do Politics and Dating Make a Match?
The following are results from the It's Just Lunch poll.
1. How important is your date's political affiliation?
Overall Male Response Female Response
Somewhat Important 40% 34% 44%
Somewhat Unimportant 23% 25% 22%
Not Important 27% 34% 22%
Very Important 10% 7% 12%
2. Would you date someone who supports an opposing political party?
Yes 63% 70% 58%
Maybe 29% 24% 33%
No 8% 6% 9%
3. If your date asked about the upcoming election, would you be
comfortable responding?
Yes 87% 91% 85%
No 13% 9% 15%
4. At what time do you believe it's appropriate to discuss politics
on a date?
On the third date 40% 38% 40%
On the first date 33% 37% 32%
On the fifth date 17% 15% 19%
Only when in a
committed relationship 10% 10% 9%
5. How important is it to you that your date be knowledgeable of the
issues concerning the upcoming election?
Somewhat Important 57% 55% 58%
Very Important 17% 11% 20%
Not Important 11% 15% 9%
Somewhat Unimportant 15% 19% 13%
6. If you had plans for a date and found the only time you would be able
to vote would be when you are scheduled to meet, would you cancel your
date in order to vote?
Yes 14% 13% 15%
No 13% 21% 8%
I would see if we could
meet later if I was able
to finish voting in a
reasonable amount of time 73% 66% 77%
7. How would you feel if your date cancelled or rescheduled a date with
you so that he/she could vote?
I would understand and
respect the individual
for exercising this right 67% 69% 67%
I would be completely
annoyed and would have
no further interest in
dating this person 4% 3% 3%
I would be disappointed
and hope we could
reschedule 29% 28% 30%
8. You meet your date, there is a definite physical attraction and
chemistry BUT you learn your date supports a different party. Would
that deter you from going on a second?
Yes 11% 11% 11%
No 89% 89% 89%
Fools Rush In
One of the biggest dating mistakes many singles make is when people are in too much of a rush to settle down. Disaster! They hook up with the first compatible person who comes along, instead of dating several people and then making a powerful choice as to what’s best for them.
Give yourself time to choose. The dating experience teaches you a great deal about what’s really important to you in a partner and what you have to offer. By observing yourself, you will gain new insight into how you react to different situations, and which problems you bring into each relationship. It’s only when you are inside the dynamic of a relationship that you can truly discover these things — otherwise it’s all “in your head.”
Dating Trends Survey…
In a survey by It’s Just Lunch of 38,912 singles, IJL found that:
·         1 in 8: the chance a woman has of a 2nd date if she has not heard from him within 24 hours of their first date.
· Top conversation killers: past relationships—49%, dieting or body image—21%, politics—15% and marriage—15%.
·         17%–the chance of liking a date set up by a friend.
· 88% of women find money to be very important in a relationship.
·         Topic to ignore on a first date—60% of women and 64% of men don’t talk politics on a first date.
· 52% of singles feel they are too busy to meet other singles.
·         76% of women date men that are at least 5 years older than them, while 80% of men date women that are at least 5 years younger than them.
·         53% of singles find a great smile the most attractive feature.
·         43% of singles have Googled someone on the internet before a first date.
5 Things to Say When You’re Interested/Not Interested
Five Things to Say If You Want to See Them Again
1. “I had a great time. Would you like to get together again soon?”
2. “Would you be interested in dinner next time?”
3. “This was a great lunch! I’d like to get to know you better.”
4. “I’m going hiking on Saturday and would love for you to join me.”
5. “Now that the hard part is out of the way, are you interested in going out again?”
Five Things to Say When You’re Not Interested
1. “The best of luck and fun in your future dates. Thanks again.”
2. “I can see us becoming friends. I’d like to invite you to my next party.”
3. “I had a good time, but I just don’t think we have that much in common.” (Very politely
point out the differences between your lifestyles, interests, etc., which will show why you’re not a good match.)
4. “I have a friend you might like, can I give him/her your number?”
5. “I feel that the chemistry just isn’t quite right between us.” (This implies it’s a mutual thing.)
What Men Look for on a First Date
-
Does she complain about men?
- Is she open to trying new things?
- Do I like her clothes and sense of style?
- Can she speak intelligently about more than one thing (such as her job)?
- Is she emotionally available or is she still talking to her ex a lot?
- Can she maintain eye contact? Is she nervous? Is there some energy between us or is it flat? (Nervous is better than flat).
- Is she generous or is she confrontational? Can she hold her own opinion without making me wrong?
- Does she have a good sense of humor and a “fun” attitude? Does she get my sense of humor? Is she happy?
- Do we have chemistry? How does she respond when I put my hand on the side of her arm or in the small of her back? Is she open and not afraid to show that she likes me?
- Is she high maintenance? Does she talk about nicer places than the one you are taking her to in a way that makes you think she would have rather gone there? Does she pick the most expensive thing on the menu on a first date?
Is this “The One?”
Most people have an idea of what constitutes a desirable mate. We usually get fixated on superficial aspects like appearance, income, or lifestyle and don’t give enough thought to the quality of that relationship.
It’s emotional intimacy, being able to share your truest, deepest, most vulnerable self with your significant other, which makes us feel loved. Skip judgments based on superficial aspects and focus on how you connect emotionally; how comfortable you are being yourself when you’re around them, and how often you laugh and have fun together.
Really, that’s all there is to it. If you can read the paragraph above and know in your head that your partner meets all of those needs and makes you feel great about yourself, then he or she has all the qualities to become your ideal partner. The rest is up to the two of you.
A relationship is like any long-term investment: it requires a great deal of time, effort and devotion. Couples come and go, but real relationships are those that can survive whatever life throws at them. They go through it together and come out closer than before.
One final thing you should ask yourself before you decide whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with : Do you both share the same vision of the future?
Do you want the same things or are you at least committed to helping the other fulfill his or her dreams as well as your own? Do you both see yourselves together for many years to come? Can you imagine investing in a house, raising a family and eventually growing old together?
Before you choose to commit to someone, make sure you have no desperate need for attachment and that you are in a good place with your self-esteem. Be ready to walk away if things don’t turn out as planned. Don’t try to force a relationship to work or invest time trying to change someone. The whole purpose is to avoid ending up in divorce court. Why would you want to close a deal that has the wrong foundation or missing parts?
If you have seven or eight of the signs below in your relationship, this could be it!
Nine signs for Recognizing Mr. or Mrs. Right!
· You listen to each other
·         You have a strong chemistry connection
·         He or she is a cheerleader for your hopes and dreams
·         You tell them what you want in a relationship and he or she steps up to the plate
·         Your partner is genuine, trustworthily, and understanding
·         You can both compromise and work together to resolve disputes
· You have a similar approach to life (values, morals, goals)
· Your partner shows you kindness, consideration, and respect
·         You are focused on each other, not looking around for something better
A relationship is a two way street. Don’t forget to be the same way back.
