In the Papers…
The Irish Examiner says that an increasing amount of single people are Googling prospective partners before embarking on a first date. A survey by the It's Just Lunch dating service found that 58 percent of men and women conduct an internet search for their date's name before leaving the house. And 88 percent of the 500 respondents, when asked if they would be offended that their date had Googled them, replied: "Not when I'd probably have Googled them too."
Dos and Don’ts of Dating
There are no hard and fast rules to dating, but here are some tips that won't do any harm.
Do let go of the past. It's done. Build yourself a small bridge and get over it. Quit telling your story; it's boring.
Don't jump straight into another relationship. Take some time to adjust; you need to be alone for a while to rediscover who you are.
Do find a balance. Seek love, but don't make it your whole life. Get a hobby. Knit, volunteer. Knit yourself a volunteer.
Do cultivate relationships with other single people; it's depressing being the token singleton in a crowd of couples; like being alone on Noah's Ark.
Don't drink in excess on dates. It's pathetic and leads to arm-gnawing moments of awkwardness later.
Don't come on too strong. It's unnerving, and you're dating, not stalking. Keep the mystery and let things progress naturally.
Don't introduce the person you're seeing to your friends and family too early; it's tempting when you're used to being part of a couple, but is overwhelming.
Do be open; rigid rules about a 'type' may mean you dismiss somebody lovely.
Do maintain your self-respect; go easy with sharing information. There's plenty of time to get to know each other; no early soul-baring. It smacks of desperation.
Don't take it all so seriously. Approach it with a sense of openness and fun. Flirt a bit, enjoy it all, and you'll be infinitely more attractive!
The lovers’ guide …to dating again
Excerpt from www.independent.ie, a Dublin, Ireland publication who did an article in IJL.
… Dating after a separation isn't easy, particularly when your personal circumstances have changed considerably.
"Your self-esteem is definitely at a low ebb," says Geraldine, 41 and mother of three. "You think, what have I got to offer? A busy professional, Geraldine didn't have the time or inclination to frequent bars or clubs and although she had an established social circle, she wanted a fresh start.
"I wanted to begin again. I wouldn't consider dating anyone I'd met through work," she explains. "And the people in my social circle knew me as the wife of my ex-husband, so I wanted to turn over a new leaf, almost re-invent myself, and start again when it came to dating."
She'd heard of a company called It's Just Lunch from a friend in the US, so when she found they were in Ireland, she went to see them. "They were very professional and easy to talk to," she says. "Along with a lot of other detail, one of the things they do is write a paragraph of the impression they get of each person.
"They're either very intuitive or really well trained, because they were very accurate with the people they introduced me to," says Geraldine.
"You try to avoid discussing past relationships until you get to know one another better," she says.
"The agency made all the arrangements with restaurant bookings and so on and although I was very nervous going in, they made sure I met people of similar interests, in a safe environment."
So, any luck?
"I went on three very enjoyable dates with three bright, interesting men. I'm dating one of them exclusively now; it's early days, but I'm happy!"
Steven (not his real name), didn't have such a positive start in his attempt to re-launch his life after his relationship broke down. The 40-year-old spent time looking for solace at the bottom of a glass, with much drinking and swapping of sad stories.
"I went for anyone that would have me. I was not in a good place and when I look back, I clearly wasn't fussy. Because I was reluctant to 'partner up' seriously, I went for other rejected people. Alcohol blurred the lines as well, and beer goggles made me make inappropriate choices."
Now happy in a new partnership, he says: "My advice would be not to do anything drunk except go home alone. Don't dial, drive or date while drunk."
Alison, in her 30s, decided to take control of her dating future. When she tried dating after her marriage, she found it more complicated than she remembered. A busy woman who traveled a lot, she decided to approach dating like a career move.
"I thought, right, we take charge of our careers and don't leave them to fate — why should I leave my personal life to chance?"
Using the It's Just Lunch agency worked for her. "Frankly, it was convenient to have someone take charge and filter out people who mightn't work. I knew what I wanted, and because you pay a fee to the agency, there are no time-wasters, unlike the internet which can be a bit of a free-for-all."
Being focused has proven to be an effective strategy for Alison, who is now dating a man she was introduced to via the agency.
"You may as well show yourself in the best light –almost like a job interview — and go from there!"
It seems that regardless of who you are, it's wise to clear one's mental decks before embarking on a voyage to find love again.
However, even though you may have to weather a few storms, and life's never perfect, nobody wants to be alone.
Which ever route you take back to dating, take heart from these peoples' stories — there's always hope on the horizon.
Fall and Winter Date Ideas in Chicago, IL from It’s Just Lunch
Great Fall Date Ideas:
Go to the Zoo- Stroll through Lincoln Park Zoo and watch your favorite animals roam around in their habitats. Best of all, the Lincoln Park Zoo is free, so when you are done strolling through the park head out to lunch at one of the many lunch spots on Clark St.
Go to the Apple Orchard- Apples are so much better from the Apple Orchard; this is a really fun outdoor fall date idea. After picking a dozen apples, warm up side by side with a cup of fresh hot apple cider and warm fresh donuts.
Take a Walk- On a nice fall day, grab a sweater or light jacket and take a walk on Michigan Avenue. Start at the 900 shops and make your way down to Millennium Park. End your stroll at Cosi’s for an inexpensive and delicious treat of hot chocolate and s’mores.
Winter Date Ideas:
Ice Skating: Take your date to Millennium Park to enjoy some ice skating. After your done, take a stroll through the park and who knows you may feel like having an impromptu snow ball fight!
Tailgating At Home: Invite your date and friends over for a fun-filled day of football. Make your famous chili recipe and have everyone bring a dish to pass. After all there’s nothing that spells winter more than football.
Take a Cooking Class: There are great places that offer unique classes all over the city. From roasts and stews to foods from all over the world, you and your date will get hands on in the kitchen.
Movie Nights: Take your movie night to the next level. Create a themed dinner menu to that movie that you two can make together.
Visualizing your ideal partner…
Visualizing your ideal partner and the relationship you want is a great motivator. Athletes have long understood this process of imagery and will visualize a goal before acting on it. You can do the same with your love life. Give it a shot now! You have nothing to lose.
Close your eyes and picture your ideal partner. Engage all your senses. How does this person smell? What does he or she look like? Listen to this person’s voice. How does it sound? Where are you? What are you doing? Are your friends and family around? How does he or she interact with them? Try this a few times until the picture becomes clear, then take out a piece of paper and make a list of the most important characteristics of this partner.
List about 20 qualities that mean something to you. What values and attributes does this person have? Look over your list and separate your “deal breakers” from your “ideals.” “Deal breakers” are the absolute nonnegotiable traits, like finding a partner who wants children or is of the same religion (if those traits are important to you).
“Ideals” are more about the attributes or traits you’d prefer, like “ambitious” or “good sense of humor.” By prioritizing which qualities are important and which are ideal, you’ll discover what you’re absolutely unwilling to accept and where you’ve got some flexibility.
Become a Pro at the Art of Flirting with the Opposite Sex
You finally get them to nitice you and they walk over to talk to you. Now what? How do you keep them interested? That is where the art of flirting comes in. It's really quite simple.
It’s Saturday night in a crowded bar. A man and woman are locked in conversation. She’s laughing, batting her eyelashes and playing with her hair. He’s standing with his head tilted slightly, leaning in toward her and occasionally touching her arm. They’re performing a social ritual that’s been around for more than 5,000 years — flirting.
Flirting is one of the great joys in life. It’s an ego booster that makes you feel more attractive and desirable. Flirt with someone and they feel excited, flattered, appreciated and darn good about themselves. So indulge yourself whenever possible.
Two things are going on when you flirt. The first is the actual conversation, and the second is your body language. Flirting is an enticement and an invitation that lets the other person catch glimpses of your most attractive characteristics and behaviors.
These days, it’s a lost art, but it’s great fun when done well. Practice flirting with acquaintances or friends of the opposite sex (without telling them) and see what techniques get the best response.
For those who feel clueless about where to even start, we assure you that flirting is a learned behavior. It’s not only possible to pick up the basics, but with a little practice, you can perfect the art. Let’s start with the flirting conversation.
Romance Tips For People Who Give Them
I’ve always seen matchmaking as an art form. Some artists play the guitar, others work with paint. Similar to a visual artist, a good matchmaker uses his/her keen eyes and ears to recognize character and physical traits in people that will fit well with others, and then offers romance tips to combine them on a canvas, just as one would paint a picture or assemble a puzzle. As with musicians, timing for the matchmaker is also incredibly important. Both people have to be at the right point in their lives for an encounter to take off.
It’s Just Lunch Offers a Snapshot: Do Politics and Dating Make a Match?
The following are results from the It's Just Lunch poll.
1. How important is your date's political affiliation?
Overall Male Response Female Response
Somewhat Important 40% 34% 44%
Somewhat Unimportant 23% 25% 22%
Not Important 27% 34% 22%
Very Important 10% 7% 12%
2. Would you date someone who supports an opposing political party?
Yes 63% 70% 58%
Maybe 29% 24% 33%
No 8% 6% 9%
3. If your date asked about the upcoming election, would you be
comfortable responding?
Yes 87% 91% 85%
No 13% 9% 15%
4. At what time do you believe it's appropriate to discuss politics
on a date?
On the third date 40% 38% 40%
On the first date 33% 37% 32%
On the fifth date 17% 15% 19%
Only when in a
committed relationship 10% 10% 9%
5. How important is it to you that your date be knowledgeable of the
issues concerning the upcoming election?
Somewhat Important 57% 55% 58%
Very Important 17% 11% 20%
Not Important 11% 15% 9%
Somewhat Unimportant 15% 19% 13%
6. If you had plans for a date and found the only time you would be able
to vote would be when you are scheduled to meet, would you cancel your
date in order to vote?
Yes 14% 13% 15%
No 13% 21% 8%
I would see if we could
meet later if I was able
to finish voting in a
reasonable amount of time 73% 66% 77%
7. How would you feel if your date cancelled or rescheduled a date with
you so that he/she could vote?
I would understand and
respect the individual
for exercising this right 67% 69% 67%
I would be completely
annoyed and would have
no further interest in
dating this person 4% 3% 3%
I would be disappointed
and hope we could
reschedule 29% 28% 30%
8. You meet your date, there is a definite physical attraction and
chemistry BUT you learn your date supports a different party. Would
that deter you from going on a second?
Yes 11% 11% 11%
No 89% 89% 89%
Be Flexible…
Don’t be overly specific when you think about your ideal partner — such as wanting “tall blondes” or “no bald guys.” Celebrate individuality and be open to new possibilities.
You could end up ruling out the woman or man of your dreams simply because they have the wrong hair color or are a few hairs short. Remember, it’s a wish list, and nobody’s perfect. Over the coming months, it will change and grow as you discover what’s really important to you in a relationship. Remain flexible and open with your “ideals.”
Fools Rush In
One of the biggest dating mistakes many singles make is when people are in too much of a rush to settle down. Disaster! They hook up with the first compatible person who comes along, instead of dating several people and then making a powerful choice as to what’s best for them.
Give yourself time to choose. The dating experience teaches you a great deal about what’s really important to you in a partner and what you have to offer. By observing yourself, you will gain new insight into how you react to different situations, and which problems you bring into each relationship. It’s only when you are inside the dynamic of a relationship that you can truly discover these things — otherwise it’s all “in your head.”
